Step into Your Own Greatness by Empowering Others

Posted in Empower Network, Giving Back, My Journey

A TeamTissa Member just triggered something within me, which is the entire motivation for this blogpost :). Here’s what she said (with regards to a techy SEO tools discussion):

Perhaps, in time, you will stop philosophizing and just… chuckle.

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Just …. what?

Stuff like that used to paralyze me …

Self esteem issues

It’s no secret (or maybe it is?) … I’ve had self esteem issues for years.

Maybe because, I’ve been pestered in my childhood for numerous of reasons:

I was born in Dordrecht, ‘South Holland’, NL (the populated area of the Netherlands) … but my parents thought it would be nice to move to the country side. So I was different from all kids from the beginning; I talked ‘funny’ (actually … they did ) didn’t really fit in, couldn’t find my ‘place’.
My dad was a local police man … the ‘justice’ kind of guy, so every kid picked on me, cause their dads liked to get drunk a little too much …
Maybe because I’m “an august” child. Meaning I’ve always been the youngest in every class.
Maybe because I’ve always been the quiet / analytic type of guy.
Maybe because when I attended University I was only 16year old (and most of my classmates were 23years of age). No I wasn’t a prodigy, just a great student.
Maybe because after not having been able to complete my education in the 4 years I had set for it, I felt I’d “failed”; the dream to ever work at NASA imploded, and had no backup plan.
Maybe because I’ve been conditioned to work in a safe secure job, but was hugely disappointed by the “rewards system” (or total lack of it). And it just seemed unfair that co-workers who didn’t work as hard as I did got paid the same.
Maybe cause I’ve been conditioned that being an entrepreneur is risky, and setting yourself up for failure?
Maybe because in all the helpdesk jobs I had I’ve always been recognized by my fellow employees as a teamleader, but my employer thought otherwise
Maybe because in all my 8 years of doing Network Marketing, I’ve been laughed at and ridiculed so much that at a certain point I just gave into the idea that I must be a total loser.
Maybe because of my ex-gf, telling me all kinds of negative crap, that a point I started believing in it. Although in some emotional areas I still miss her daily. Kinda weird how that works …
Maybe … maybe I’m different? Maybe I’m … I dunno?
Not that long ago (2011) I’ve had suicide thoughts multiple times, cause it just seemed pointless, useless, mountain of debt ain’t decreasing. Didn’t feel like killing myself, but didn’t feel like living anymore. Just slept most days.

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So at the end of 2011 I was so fed up with it all, that I took — for a second time — several psychology tests. Cause did similar tests in 2009, but the psychiatrist LITERALLY told me:

You score higher on the IQ test than most people; you should be able to solve your own problems.

Okay … more affirming what I knew all along. I’m different, and whatever is going on … WHATEVER! So kept on struggling with EVERYTHING in life. End of 2011 … had a whole team of psychiatrists turn me inside out. Long story short? Diagnosed with ADHD and a form of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Bam! That’s something I can work with. Knowing what I got, so I can anticipate on it.

But the true change came when I joined TeamTissa on the 23rd of November 2012!

Step Into Your Own Greatness by Empowering Others

For the first time … eh ever? I’m able to celebrate my achievements, cause in TeamTissa people lift eachother up. Including Mary She means well. And this wasn’t a rant, although it could still become on. LOL … kidding.

And with regards to doing IT? We Are Anonymous, We Are Legion, We Do Not Forgive, We Do Not Forget, Join Us!

So nope … not going to stop philosophizing

P.S. Ain’t it cool? That for writing about my life … or SEO tools? Or whatever? I get ranked in Google and get traffic, and thus signups? That is what I AM DOING. Thx for the inspiration and creating massive SEO link juice to plenty of posts.